I need something for my nerves…

All I can manage is tossing and turning. Because my stomach is upset, my heart is racing. All I can think to do is think. Think about what has happened. What just happened. What will happen. Then I remember why thinking never did me any good.

Because everything is just a constant reminder of you. Now your in my head. And I get lost in your eyes. And its 1am and all I can do is think myself into misery. I think about how to get comfortable On my side, my back, my stomach. Then I remember why I can’t. Because I’m so used to sleeping with someone in my arms. Its 2 am and all I can manage to think about is how safe I felt when I was in your arms listening to your breathing.

I think about the beach.

And how many times we went. I see the waves continually taking sand from the beach. Back and forth. I think about how I continually gave you my everything. But the beach always has more sand, and I’m running out of things to give. Its 3 am and all I can think about is how cold your feet were against mine and how I didnt mind it one bit. I think about when we went on all those drives.

I think about what I was thinking that night.

That night where everything was going so fast outside, and you were doing this same thing. That night where I wished everything would just slow down so I didn’t have to hear the words that had been haunting me. They always haunt me. Its 4am and all I can think about is the sun rise. And how it hit your face that morning, And how it made you painfully beautiful to look at. I think about being bitter. I think about how I’m going to handle this.

I think about being lost.

I think about the good things. I think about the bad things. I think about how you’re handling this. I think about how much this hurts. I think about how I don’t matter anymore. I think about how your still worth it to me. I think about why I still say that.

But its 5am and I have no fucking clue.